I run towards the door. With a turn of the knob and a fierce pull I make my way out. It is dark. The street lights are on. Rain is pouring down and within minutes I am soaked.
"Hey wait!" I hear a voice behind. I don’t need to turn around. The splashing of puddles give away his distance from me.
"I’m scared Harry," I say, my voice falters as I say his name. "Usually I don’t give a shit. Usually I can distract myself but I can’t do this anymore. Something’s wrong with me."
I turn to him. Even through the rain and the dark I could still see his eyes clearly. The usual spark of joy that they had were gone. Had I affected him with my fear as well?
"So what are you gonna do, huh?" he says as he steps forward, "You’re gonna let your fear of death stop you from living?"
"I don’t know Harry!" I scream. I can feel the sting that comes before the tears. "You think I like being this way?" I say to him.
"Do you think I like living when everyday all I think about is how none of this matters? That everything that I’ve ever done and will do just fade into oblivion? I can hardly sleep at night Harry. When I lie in bed is when the thoughts get the worst. I don’t believe in a heaven or hell. And that’s the scariest part. The part where I know that after I’m gone I’ll stop existing."“Oh darling,” he takes a step toward me, “Your fear has gotten that bad hasn’t it?” He approaches me. I look down. I feel his arms around me and I rest my head against his chest. At this point we are both soaked. The rain shows no sign of letting up. He begins to sway gently. Usually I would protest but I am too filled with anxiety to do so. “I’m not good at science or physics,” I hear him softly speak, “But if there’s one thing that I remember from class is that atoms are neither created nor destroyed.” He stops swaying and looks down at me. I can feel my heartbeat quicken in pace. “So we’re made of star stuff,” Harry says, “From the stars we come, and to the stars we’ll go.” He starts swaying again as he puts my head back onto his chest. The only sounds I can hear are the rain and our steps against the wet asphalt of my street. “If you ever feel this way again, do not hesitate to contact me,” he whispers to me, “And no more talk of oblivion. You will live on in a raging supernova or as a new sun.” I feel the tears well in my eyes. “And even if you don’t believe in a heaven. Or a hell,” he stops swaying, “That doesn’t matter to me.” He stops swaying again. I feel the gentle of his hand move my chin up. We make eye contact. The rain had made him look like a different person. My heart pounds in my chest. “Because I believe in you.” He brings his lips to mine. And for once in my life, I thought of life and only life.